I believe I am innately bored by many things. Although I appreciate silliness, I tend to find most things wry and just okay. People will criticize this but it’s honest which tends to be the point of everything. Further I would like to add I have read a million self help books and embrace therapy to find the ‘art of happiness and fulfillment.’ I believe in the value of living in the moment. I just require more practice.
This leads me to my next thought; the laws of attraction. My husband is my polar opposite in regards to outlook. Obviously environmental factors have shaped our fundamental differences. My childhood was steeped in dysfunction and the gravity of shitty choices. While Mike’s childhood was perhaps not idyllic for all, it provided him a sense of security and happiness. Mike remarks after most encounters “that was fun.” The other night when he said this I thought to myself ‘that’s overkill, it was a movie.’
I write this post with admiration for the people around me who share this optimistic vantage point. I am in unbelievable envy of merriment and giddiness. Although due to me being myself, I rarely think people’s gaiety matches the life event taking place. Most people who exude abundant happiness seem to approach every day with the same flavor. Of course it’s unseemly to tell people to tone it down when they express happiness from working out or eating at a restaurant.
Today was one of those days where I felt perhaps my true family is with the curmudgeon down the street who waits for the mail-person to deliver in order to rant about his misfortunes. I may not share his negativity but I do get him.
Today my six-year-old and my husband waited roughly three hours outside for dirt to be delivered. My husband was convinced the truck was right around the corner at 2pm. By 4:30 I crossed my arms and stepped outside. I looked at Mike and said “really, you have nothing better to do.” I felt like I was running a group home with my family waiting outside for something, anything to take place. I say this with tenderness because I worked in group homes for years while in college. The residents rarely have an agenda except to wait.
I asked my daughter “what are you doing outside?” She replied with a wide grin “counting red leaves!” To this, I had nothing to add except , “alrighty then.” I did wonder how both father and child found their current activities so amusing. Mike looked over at Anni and smiled “great pile.”
My other daughter is far more like myself. She always seems to have intent and purpose. Mike asked if she wanted to come outside and she asked “why.” When she heard the answer was waiting for dirt, she said “no, I will take a bath.” She’s three.
I am bemused by my in home residents; daughters that differ so completely and love me entirely. And I feel so lucky in love with the goofiest time jack that is Mike.